Episode Ten – The Lies We Tell Ourselves.

          Sterling and I looked at each other across the kitchen table, neither of us speaking for at least twenty minutes until Patience broke the silence with her usual childlike personality.

     “Where are you guys planning to sleep?” she asked. “I mean, I assume you sleep. Candy slept the other day, but honestly, I have no idea where she ended up. I went in to ask her a question, and her bed was empty. My first thought was that she was probably in a casket or a crypt or something like that, but I didn’t see any of that in her condo.”

     Patience moved the last of her meal around on her plate without finishing it, seeming to consider what my other sleeping options might have been.

     “Maybe you left through some secret passage and slept in one of the nearby cemeteries. Not sure about that either, but either way, we’re out in the middle of nowhere, and I didn’t see any cemeteries on our way here. Sterling didn’t bring anything as interesting as a travel coffin either, because I was in the back and saw everything he stuffed back there.”

     Sterling slammed his fist on the table, causing Patience to squeal before she fell silent, her lips pressed tightly together.

     “Does she ever shut the hell up?” he asked, rubbing his forehead. “Can’t you do something with her?”

     I observed him for a moment.

     “Why don’t you head up to bed, Patience? Pick a room; there are four. All the beds have been made with fresh linens, and you need your rest. Sterling and I have a few things to work out before we turn in,” I said.

     She looked at both of us for a moment before nodding her agreement.

     “Sure thing, you’re right, I’m exhausted.” Patience got up from the table and glanced back at me before leaving the room. “Any instructions for tomorrow, while you two are—sleeping?”

     “Just don’t leave the property. We are miles from anything even remotely civilized, surrounded by two state forests. One wrong turn and we might not find your body until spring,” I said.

     It wasn’t entirely a lie, but my warning still landed. I could see it in the wide-eyed look that spread across her face.

     “Right, don’t leave, got it. Anyway, goodnight,” she said, and slowly backed out of the room.

     Sterling looked at me with that contemptuous stare I could never quite get used to, but somehow I always managed to receive from men.

     “What?” I asked.

     “Why did you really bring her? Why don’t you just kill her and get it over with?”

     “I already told you why, and I’m not in the habit of repeating myself,” I said. He may have been easy on the eyes, but he was starting to get on my nerves.

     “Did you see her trying to eat? Her hands shook so much she lost half of her mashed potatoes and gagged so often I thought she was going to puke on the table,” Sterling said. “You may trust her not to run off the minute she wakes up to find a bottle of booze, but I don’t. I’m hiding my car keys.”

     “Hide away,” I said. “She’s healing. Alcohol withdrawal always looks worse before it gets better. Besides, we need someone to watch the place while we rest.” I paused a moment, waiting for his gaze to settle on mine. “Unless, of course, you have your own security?”

     If I hadn’t been paying attention, I might have missed it, but it was there, fleeing as it was; he saw them too, and he either knew who they were or had a good idea.

     “So, you’re calling her security? Some little waif of a girl, not a muscle on her, not a single weapon or a talent for killing, and you’re calling her security?” He tried to seem indignant, but it wasn’t convincing.

     “Who are they, Sterling?” I asked.

     His gaze grew steely.

     “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

     “Bull shit,” I said. “We’ve been tailed since we left Pittsburgh. Even our little detour into the wilderness didn’t stop them. Now, either they’re working for you, or The Collective, or God knows who else, but someone is sitting at the bottom of my road in a black SUV watching us.”

     He chewed the side of his mouth for a moment, flicking a scattering of food he never ate to the side of his plate.

     “I’m not sure,” he said. “But you’re right. We’ve been followed. It could be someone from The Collective, making sure I bring you back. Could be someone from the Plamondon clan, or someone from his father’s.”

     “In the grand scheme of things, I didn’t do anything wrong,” I found myself saying. “It was a different time. Alard’s father, Damian, was a dangerous man. His arrogance and greed threatened to wipe us from the face of the earth.”

     “I’m not here to judge you,” Sterling said.

     “Yes, you are. You judge me. The collective judges me. I even judge myself. But you weren’t there; you are being blindly led by gossip, jealousy, and yet another arrogant, greedy man’s desire for power,” I said.

     I got up from the table, grabbed a bag of Swedish Fish, and headed toward the window. The world outside was starting to wake up, and the darkness of night was softening into a gentle shade of violet.

     “Earlier, you asked me why I still ate. I didn’t answer you,” I turned from the window and looked at him. “I eat because it makes me feel human. I eat because it makes me feel like I’m no different than Patience. That I’m real and that I matter and that what I’ve done hasn’t changed me.”

     “But you’re not human, you’re not like Patience, and what you’ve done has changed everything,” Sterling said.

     And when Alard was assassinated, did that solve it? Did it restore what I took? Did that act somehow represent loyalty, and what I did amount to betrayal?

     “That’s not up to me,” Sterling said.

     “Garbage,” I said. “That’s complete fucking garbage. You are here because my fate has already been decided. There will be no trial, no explanation, no fact that will change the outcome that has already been cast. I die. You and your lackeys take the bows and the spoils until the next revolution, and then your actions will be judged. Your fate will be no different than mine.”

     Sterling stood, his face dark.

     “It’s getting late. We should figure out some sleeping arrangements. I’m assuming you have your own crypt?”

     I turned back to the window. “I do.”

     “Good, then I’ll arrange my own accommodations for the day. I’ll be back at nightfall. Try to keep out of trouble and don’t try to leave. I have the keys, and Patience doesn’t look like she’s up to hiking through these woods anytime soon.”

     In a whisper of movement, he was gone, and I was once again alone.

     Maybe bringing Patience along was a mistake. In trying to stop her from drinking herself to death, I only got her tangled in a web of lies and possibly a more painful end.

     I cleaned the kitchen automatically before leaving the house and walking to the back of the yard to Albert’s grave.

     I ran my hand along the cold stone. There was no time to talk now, but I had so many things I needed to tell him.

     “Later,” I said to the trees surrounding me. “I need to rest now.”

     I pulled the well-polished key from inside my front pocket and slid it into the side of the bench. There was a groan and a grinding noise as stone moved along stone, opening the grave before me.

     Albert lay motionless, his flesh long gone, but his smile stayed the same. “It’s been a while,” I said as I jumped down and lay beside him. I had made sure the casket was big enough for two, and it had served us well over the years. I caressed the side of his face.

     “Shouldn’t be much longer,” I said, and I could feel him stir. I took the same key and inserted it into the side of the stone chamber, turned it, and slid the lid back into place, blocking out the rising sun.

     “Heard any good jokes lately?”